This Writer

Calosha Gomes

  • This Writer

    The writer of this story has left the call. Nothing compares to having to stick around when the betrayal hits like this. The writer of this story can barely hold on to what’s left, and that’s not much. Keep telling this writer: what you need is deeper than where the eyes meet.

    The outer shell has me wanting to hug a drywall. The fireplace has not nearly warmed me up. I turn to an ounce of warmth still left within.

    The writer of this story has abandoned the ending, choosing to stay stuck in the fairytale ending with a happily-ever-after built on a lie. The writer of this story is barely holding on to what is left, and that’s barely anything.

    This writer has lost everything over the emotion of grief, which is barely a cycle or even a step-by-step process—more like a rollercoaster on steroids.

    This writer needs to step away with their sanity still intact. If only the destiny and her plans align, and it’s not another crash landing like in K-dramas. In the writer’s case, she would rather walk away.

  • Where I Already Know

    I write to pick up my fallen confidence,
    where there is no fallen confidence.

    I speak to problem solving,
    where there is no problem.

    I wake up to carry my own curiosity of living in the present,
    where being in the present is quite straight forward.

    I chase the places,
    where my presence simply attracts the place to me.

    I pick up new tools from the surroundings, where all the tools I need are within.

    What exactly am I looking at now.
    Probably something that I already have an answer to.

  • Denied Authenticity

    The freedom from thinking about what others might say or think if you are yourself is more than freedom; it is the embracing of your own authenticity.
    Why do people deny their own authenticity? Why can’t we embrace our flaws and have a sense of humor when saying “no” to people-pleasing, in a roundabout kind of way?

    When I look at people struggling to speak their mind, and when I see people stuck with their own thoughts of not being enough to move on.

    I say a little prayer for their more-than-freedom. I hope they revive the courage to speak their mind and be authentic,
    and kind when they speak their mind,
    and are not egotistic or outright mean to break hearts.

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