I was told to be there at 10 and not 9.

Calosha Gomes

  • I was told to be there at 10 and not 9.

    First, let me reintroduce my intentions to someone on the other side, who I used to be. I have lost a few skins to get where I am right now.

    Second, let me reintroduce that the first one is still an ongoing process at this very moment. I am celebrating more than I ever did. I understood the plan before I walked too far into it.

    I might like you, but you are far from what I want. The anxiety near you got worse. Your help didn’t change how you blamed me for something I had nothing to do with.

    The look in your eyes changed very quickly, and you didn’t fail to hesitate to blame me. You used my empathy against me. You used manipulation to explain the scream that I heard. The tears in my eyes were laughed at.

    I was told to be there at 10 and not 9.

  • My Misfortune

    This silence before I step into the fifth gear is a relief.
    Unused potential waiting to shine, and seeing that potential being shut down—two different things that hurt the same way.

    This silence before I step onto the world’s stage, holding my head up high, is a relief.
    Unmet goals, and seeing those goals slip from my hands—my misfortune, only to gain clarity a little too late.

    This silence is mine to be in, mine to believe in, and only mine to dwell in.
    Two hands may clap, but only one eye saw it coming, and I see stars with the remaining eye.
    I wish both eyes could meet halfway in this missed luck.

  • December Reminder

    December reminds me
    to pack all my memories
    in the boxes I opened in January.

    December reminds me
    to check up on my soul,
    my year-long battles,
    and the love I shared.

    Reminds me
    to take a look at my cup—
    and it was empty.

    This time I gave everything.
    This time I said what I hated.

    Now sealed behind with duct tape.
    Now sealed with wax,
    it had me begging
    for my respect. December has me wearing a scarf.
    It is colder,
    but with my warm smile
    I am walking away.

    December has me celebrating
    my wins and my mistakes,
    reminding me
    every moment is a gift,
    and life is better
    when you enjoy the success
    and the setbacks
    the same way.

    December has me overwhelmed
    with tears of joy.

    January will open new boxes for me,
    and I can’t contain my joy.

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