My Adiós

Calosha Gomes

  • My Adiós

    I sat across from my worst nightmare, and she spoke with words like maybes and howevers. I don’t remember your face; all I remember is how you spoke. Teaching me how not to speak with anyone for the remainder of my life. Teaching me how not to treat people for the remainder of my life.

    This year has taught me how to care with fewer words, with no maybes and howevers. I’ll be caring better for whoever I go to next. I’ll be better off with no maybes and howevers, for whoever I go to next.

    You might think I’ll not be going after my ten-year-old dream. Oh, your delusional maybe and however—I’m absolutely going after my ten-year-old dream. And this time, I am better for it.

    Your unprompted maybe and however—keep them to yourself. I don’t need them. Adiós in Spanish and goodbye in English. Well, slán in Gaelic, if none of the above makes much sense to you.

  • Cycled Through

    I cycled through all my clothes in my closet, and on the last grey sweater, they told me to leave, and I smiled as I stepped outside. Not because they let me go, but because I found my dream and my passion shining even after ten years away from business.

    I heard her tell me to leave when I first walked in, and I felt the tears in my eyes and couldn’t shake the feeling of how rude and out of line that was. My voice dropped a whole octave just to respond to her with the name that I looked up to.

    My voice dropped again when I was told I had no empathy, that I was selfish, and that I should have come and said “Hi” to people that were so unwelcoming.

    I’ll die for a stranger. I have stayed up 24 hours to track temperatures so no one dies of anaphylactic shock. I am anything but.

  • I was told to be there at 10 and not 9.

    First, let me reintroduce my intentions to someone on the other side, who I used to be. I have lost a few skins to get where I am right now.

    Second, let me reintroduce that the first one is still an ongoing process at this very moment. I am celebrating more than I ever did. I understood the plan before I walked too far into it.

    I might like you, but you are far from what I want. The anxiety near you got worse. Your help didn’t change how you blamed me for something I had nothing to do with.

    The look in your eyes changed very quickly, and you didn’t fail to hesitate to blame me. You used my empathy against me. You used manipulation to explain the scream that I heard. The tears in my eyes were laughed at.

    I was told to be there at 10 and not 9.

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